The last half of July was a little on the stressful side. We had family then friends visiting two weekends in a row. Greg traveled quite a bit for work around their visits. Then last week after having appointments in the evening two of the three nights he was home, he left on Thursday, not to return until Sunday morning after taking the redeye back from Seattle. By the time he left for that trip, I was in survival mode. Meaning because I hadn't had a break from baby care in days, because we were struggling and failing to keep our heads above water when it came to routine house and yard work, let alone make progress on the mile long list of projects both inside and out, and because I had let all my self care slide (which at this point pretty much consists of actively trying to drink water throughout the day and trying to go to bed before midnight, not exactly unrealistic goals in theory anyway), I was not in a good place. I was in a horrible funk. My head was filled with negative thoughts that were spilling freely out of my mouth. All of the reasons I should be feeling gratitude were abundantly clear as I looked around, but I couldn't internalize them. Like puffy clouds they just went away when I tried to grasp them and actually feel thankful. I couldn't focus on anything, it was the Buddhist/meditation/yoga concept of monkey mind in full effect. My eye was twitching.
When Greg got home Sunday morning, he took Ida for the day, which allowed him to not only get to spend time with her, but participate in nap time too to help him recover from his night spent in the air. Meanwhile, I got some time to myself. I ran errands then came home and worked outside cleaning Greg's car (in an attempt to make up for the bad attitude I directed at him before I left), mowing and gardening. I should state explicitly 1) Greg is a great father, he's a great husband. He helps me with all the things constantly. And when he's not being those things or doing that, he is immersed in his career, making it all possible for us. 2) I love being a stay at home mom right now. Ida is amazing and she could not be an easier baby in every way. And I am so grateful for her and that I get to be with her every day during these early years. But I am an introverted person and after all that's been written and discussed about introverted people in recent years, I finally understand that I recharge mentally and emotionally by being alone. Just me and the thoughts in my head without having to interact on a meaningful level with anyone else, not even my bright, sweet, easy-going 11 month old. And if I don't get some alone time, my proverbial cup drains dry. And by last Sunday, that's exactly what had happened.
My point in all this being that all of the perfectly focused, cropped and filtered photos presented on social media never tell quite the whole story for anyone. Everyone probably knows that deep down others not only have nice houses and pretty things, go interesting places, eat delicious looking food, and have adorable children, they struggle too, with any number of things, daily. But it's easy to forget when you're looking at the heavily edited highlight reels that there are hundreds of outtakes for every shot deemed worthy of sharing. I've seen efforts by others in the past to acknowledge this, and so I just wanted to say "yeah, me too". I enjoy the pursuit of aesthetics and photography and writing, that's why I'm here and why this spot looks and sounds the way it does. But I do have even bigger problems than cutely deer-nibbled hostas. Generally, they are pretty minor as problems go, but that doesn't mean things don't stack up and overwhelm me from time to time.
Greg was home all of this past week and now we are in Columbus having a little family mini-vacay. So things are definitely looking way up over where they were a week ago. Stay tuned for the highlights. :)
Oh and these are highlights from Sunday out in the garden 1) love this heuchera/begonia combo I came up with for a hanging basket, will have to repeat next year 2) Ida's sunflowers from seeds I put in her Easter basket on the verge of blooming 3) end of day boot wash 4) hoof prints as evidence
No comments:
Post a Comment